S-I-X Months Later....

I must sound like a broken record when I say "I can't believe he's gone."  But I really can't believe he's gone.

Half a year has passed since Matthew graduated.  Yes, graduated.  It sounds much nicer than "died"-don't you think?  Our medium, Michael likes to say "graduated."  I think it has a nice ring to it. 

Half a year.  How is that even possible?  How have we been living our lives without him for half a year?  Sometimes it almost feels like a betrayal.  I know life goes on and we have to keep on living....but sometimes when I think about us going on, living this life without Matthew, it just doesn't seem like we should even be able to go on.  It's almost like we're dishonoring him by the fact that we're able to go on.  My brain knows that this isn't true, it's just one of those crazy grief thoughts that goes through your mind.

Today was a hard day.  I always dread the 5th of each month, because it just marks the passing of more time with out my boy...but today really hurt.  There's just something about the half-year mark that seems so BIG.  Six months ago seems so far away.  So long ago.  And now we're closer to one year than we are to the day he died.  Again, more crazy grief thoughts.  Can you imagine what a day in this mind is like?  I know...scary.

Once again, I was reminded today of our amazing support system.  Lots of texts, a beautiful plant from a fellow DIPG family and love from around the country.  I really do appreciate the support and understanding...and it really does make a difference.  These days are lonely, and it's nice to be reminded that we aren't alone.

That's all for now...thank you for being patient with this rambling post.  I promise something less crazy and more coherent next time.

With Matthew in my Heart, Nikki